Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. 🦀🍕

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life. 🤪

I’m not late, I’m just fashionably delayed. ⏰😎

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already. 🥃😂

I can’t believe I got out of bed today. That’s enough achievement for one day. 😴🙌

If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I’d probably buy something that isn’t on sale. 💸🙄