Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.

I’m not bad at math. I’m just extremely good at making numbers seem confusing. ➗🤓

I’m not procrastinating, I’m just delaying the inevitable. ⏳🙃

I’m not a morning person. I’m a ‘snooze button enthusiast’ person. ⏰😴

I’m not saying I’m a genius, but I did just manage to open a bag of chips without spilling them. 🧠🍟

I’m not old. I’m just a classic. 🚗💎

I’m not afraid of commitment, I just can’t commit to anything that involves getting out of bed. 🛏️😆