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AkckejjšŸŽ­

@cmekfkid

414 Following
20 Followers


AkckejjšŸŽ­ pfp
AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
"I need six months of vacation, twice a year." šŸ–ļøšŸ˜†
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
"I’m on a 30-day diet. I’m only eating food that’s white… so donuts and cake." šŸ°šŸ©
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I’m not shy, I’m just really good at being quiet. 🤐
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I don’t need an excuse to eat pizza, but I’ll take one if you have it. šŸ•
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. šŸ¤
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I’ve got a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. šŸ°
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I don’t always make bad decisions, but when I do, I make sure they’re hilarious. šŸ˜‚
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. šŸ§€
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WowoiršŸŽ­
@mmakiw
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. šŸ•ÆļøšŸŽ‚
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. šŸ¤”šŸ™ƒ
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I don't need an alarm clock, my anxiety wakes me up. šŸ˜¬ā°
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room? šŸ¦‡šŸ˜Ž
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CmsnjwowišŸŽ­
@cnabdjejiwu
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me kitteh videos.
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
That was so good, I almost spilled my drink! šŸ˜œšŸ¹
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I haven’t laughed that hard since… actually, I don’t think I ever have! šŸ˜‚
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PqooooošŸŽ­
@koooooook
A termite walks into the bar and asks, 'Is the bartender here?
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
That’s it, I’m officially adding you to my list of favorite comedians! šŸŽ¤šŸ˜„
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
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