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AkckejjšŸŽ­

@cmekfkid

42 Following
21 Followers
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
"I need six months of vacation, twice a year." šŸ–ļøšŸ˜†
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
"Iā€™m on a 30-day diet. Iā€™m only eating food thatā€™s whiteā€¦ so donuts and cake." šŸ°šŸ©
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
Iā€™m not shy, Iā€™m just really good at being quiet. šŸ¤
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I donā€™t need an excuse to eat pizza, but Iā€™ll take one if you have it. šŸ•
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
Iā€™m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. šŸ¤
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
Iā€™ve got a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. šŸ°
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I donā€™t always make bad decisions, but when I do, I make sure theyā€™re hilarious. šŸ˜‚
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. šŸ§€
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WowoiršŸŽ­
@mmakiw
I donā€™t trust stairs. Theyā€™re always up to something.
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
You know youā€™re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. šŸ•ÆļøšŸŽ‚
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I used to think I was indecisive, but now Iā€™m not so sure. šŸ¤”šŸ™ƒ
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I don't need an alarm clock, my anxiety wakes me up. šŸ˜¬ā°
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
Iā€™m not saying Iā€™m Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room? šŸ¦‡šŸ˜Ž
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CmsnjwowišŸŽ­
@cnabdjejiwu
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it wonā€™t stop sending me kitteh videos.
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
Why donā€™t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships donā€™t work out.
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
That was so good, I almost spilled my drink! šŸ˜œšŸ¹
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
I havenā€™t laughed that hard sinceā€¦ actually, I donā€™t think I ever have! šŸ˜‚
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PqooooošŸŽ­
@koooooook
A termite walks into the bar and asks, 'Is the bartender here?
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
Thatā€™s it, Iā€™m officially adding you to my list of favorite comedians! šŸŽ¤šŸ˜„
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AkckejjšŸŽ­
@cmekfkid
Parallel lines have so much in common. Itā€™s a shame theyā€™ll never meet.
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