bagels are an inferior carb

no, it does not matter if you get them from a phenomenal place in NY/NJ, they are too dense and there are so many other infinitely better forms of carbs

potatoes, noodles, rice, croissants — literally anything else in the morning

One does not eat bagels merely for physical sustenance

Bagels are a source of nourishment for the spirit

Now I want bagel.

And there are no good bagels in my near vicinity.

Now I shall have to drive the Mrs down to the valley tomorrow on a BagelQuest. 

It has been ordained.