my greatest hurdles to feeling joy all the time might just be shame and guilt. a lot of it comes from abuse, and a lot comes from the maladaptive behaviours that resulted from abuse

i feel like i’ve failed as a person in so many areas because i didn’t know how to function with so much trauma. i didn’t know how to connect with others. i didn’t know how to have my needs met. i didn’t know how to find peace. so i would often go about things in dysfunctional ways, then feel horrible afterwards

it’s challenging to heal, but with emdr i’ve finally found something that deeply works, and am slowly reprogramming my mind

i’ve felt a strong desire to end my life many times. it is my earliest memory. i think now that i actually subconsciously have ended the life of my old, damaged self. i can’t be that person any more. it is intolerable

as i uncover the true self underneath the pain and dysfunction my life will slowly begin again as that person instead

it's so good to hear you feel you're making progress towards being the person you want to be, and feeling how you want to feel. we can't have joy all the time, but we can work on reprogramming our thoughts to better cope with triggers. wishing you all the best. 555 $degen

artist and internet diarist 🗡️ decentralized socialite ✨

https://linktr.ee/tinyrainboot