autism

I've read a lot about autism and I don't think we talk enough about our hardships in regulating ourselves emotionally

When I have a breakdown it's a terrible breakdown
Anger? becomes outrage easily
I can go from blues to suicidal in 4 min
But most of the time I can be just..... blunt. 

Having this abnormal pattern recognition system is a burden too. Because I know I am overreacting. I know people are getting hurt/tired but unless they leave me alone I can't stop myself.

Kaô Kabecile. D’oxum. 
Social anarchist. Learner.
This is me, uncensored. 
Travel alfa @ /seaskyline
Visit my brain /marceland

ℑ❤️𝔱𝔶𝔭𝔬𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔭𝔥𝔶 + 𝔟𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔦𝔤𝔫. 
ℑ 𝔤𝔬 𝔟𝔶 𝔏𝔞𝔪𝔟𝔠𝔥𝔬𝔭, 𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔭𝔥𝔦𝔠 𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔦𝔤𝔫. ᯅ 

fashiǒn snoop.  lambchop.club

ily too
we gotta speak about it bc we live it so intensely 

i'm not sure anyone has this prism view of events like i do, but it's like i always say

my mind is aware of my body's reactions but it's like their control central is split. they csnt connect sometimes. like being trapped in my body or mind

this is why i love you so
much and am grateful to find your account 

speak on it 🫂🫶🏼👏

She/her 
Talking *@! In /extracurriculars reminiscing in /gen-x and curating in /trish

currently i get into this emergency isolation mode, if possible 

bc there's no other way out

but im worried about when/if this happens and i can't get alone 🥲☹️

Super relatable, Marcela. Especially the pattern recognition. My nieces and nephews have been instrumental showing me how to communicate better before my battery runs out.

GenX girl who learned the hard way 🔹 lifelong artist 🔹 software engineer 🔹 curator of conversations 🔹 made /blend-o-rama 🔹 thinks you're cool

yes! it's exactly like this

For example, by friday i was so mad at my wife's uncle. We took a decision and he was irresponsible, but all we could do was cut him off and all he could do was fix his shit. 

But instead i had to handle the phone to larissa bc i got my heart beats up to 160 and wanted to scream because i was SO frustrated at my own decision of helping him and i wanted to yell at him, and curse at him, and scream on the pillow and tell him to f. off and i suddenly got into this spiral of holding my breath so i didn't yell on the pillow or to the cats but i was like untouchable for 1 hour

because even though larissa wanted to calm me down, I couldn't get calmer. 

And i just had come home from a run, i had endorphins. 

i know larissa didn't have any fault, or the cats, and probably i didn't even have to feel like cursing at him, but I did. 

I'm still angry at him. Furious. But it took me 48h to get here.

I don’t think I am on the autism spectrum or not very far in if I am, but I have had times in my life with hormone imbalance where I have not felt in control of my moods and reactions to things and felt I was “overreacting” even though I couldn’t stop myself. It feels like I am not “me” and it is frustrating.

So if it is anything like that, I know it must be difficult to deal with if it is a persistent situation. I am sorry that you have to go through that.