erica on Warpcast

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Steve pfp

Anyone who’s dealt with ADHD long enough: has it ever gotten easier? I feel like since becoming aware of the symptoms the struggle has only worsened, despite always considering myself decently self-aware. I don’t know if it’s just the compounding responsibilities of work, marriage, parenthood, and adulthood. Or if it’s some weird permanent brain fog from covid. Or a tangible side effect of being plugged into crypto almost 24/7 for three years. Or just a dwindling sense of agency and direction and control of emotions. But it’s been six years now that I’ve seen three therapists, one psychiatrist with a brief round of antidepressants, and tried numerous tools and tricks yet it all feels like it’s falling apart. Where did I go wrong?

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🫂🫂🫂 ADHD is hard. before diagnosis, it was very easy to view my struggles as moral/personal failings. in some ways, that was easier because I could frame improvement as something that is and would always be possible. after diagnosis, patterns started to feel permanent. i felt irreparably broken, not just temporarily lazy. I had to find peace about who I was and what my experience of life would be like. and then I was able to accept my limitations and work with them, instead of denying my reality. medication helped too. a lot. you can do plenty of things to manage dopamine (sleep, exercise, hard boundaries on certain activities) but ADHD is hard mode. stimulants didn't solve my problems (many of my bad habits are a side effect of long-running coping mechanisms) but they gave me some wiggle room. one bad day doesn't derail me anymore. self-compassion was key. letting go was key. without them, awareness was a curse and a burden. so: don't give up. give yourself love. you will make it. I promise.

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this was such an interesting read, thank you for sharing 🫂 i was very similar: before diagnosis i thought everything was my fault - a personal or moral failing - and that i was a shitty, broken human because of it however, immediately after diagnosis it's like all that melted away. i didn't feel broken anymore. it was the biggest relief for me to finally be able to stop piling all the guilt and blame on myself and point at something and go "hey look. my brain literally CAN NOT do this bc of ADHD. erica, stop pushing yourself to be something you will never be and accept what your newfound limits and strengths are." glad you got to this place eventually - so interesting how people react differently to diagnoses!

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❤️ I think I had this reaction initially (the enormous relief that there was something nameable that I could treat and target), but over time I became jaded against myself again, especially as I felt disappointed by my continued inability to function in spite of having a nameable, knowable, fairly well understood, and increasingly socially acceptable condition that I felt I should be able to manage simply by virtue of it being on my mind ALL THE DAMN TIME. 😅 but it *wasn't* instantly made manageable just 'cause I knew what to call it, and the dissonance of "working hard" on my ADHD, but not really "doing the work" confused and upset me. so I continued a pattern of manic obsession and self-assessment, thirsting to "beat" ADHD so that it couldn't hold me back anymore, instead of learning to "beat" ADHD by not allowing it to dictate my life, learning to play a different game, and loving my experience for what it was.

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