People freak when I say my kids’ piggy bank is a cold wallet. "You’re teaching them crypto?!" Uh, yeah—better than letting TikTok raise them.

Lesson #1: "Sweetie, ‘FOMO’ isn’t just a funny word—it’s how Uncle Bob lost his Tesla."
Lesson #2: Bedtime stories? More like Whitepaper Highlights (if they fall asleep, I know it’s trash).
Lesson #3: Their allowance? Paid in stablecoins. Try arguing with "gas fees" when they beg for extra Robux.

Are they gonna be traumatized? Maybe. But while other kids are learning fractions, mine can spot a rug pull from a mile away. Priorities.

Future-proofing or child abuse? Jury’s out. But at least they’ll never say "Mom, you should’ve bought Bitcoin in 2010."