pensieve

2 years ago around this time i had double jaw surgery n woke up alone 
on a hospital bed, scared.
but filled with hope

1 year ago around this time i drank n smoked myself into forgetting my loneliness and the broken promises,
with a new perspective on rope

now -- this time
i dont know what ill do
im a parasite i guess,
im a parasite... i guess...
now filled with cope.

🪄✨🕳️

sobriety

parasite is a toxic description for attachment, and your history describes co-dependents but now one tears away (i’m not a therapist btw)

come join /sobriety if you like. i found smoke only covered things for a while

i’m just dating around looking for other options but it’s hard to come off from a nuclear thruster/rocket engineer

joined 🫡 

i just want a decent understanding and friendship with someone who said they loved me. its so far gone that it makes me incredibly curious... curious to the point im self destructive because i respekt boundaries. so the feedback loop of disrespekt doesnt compute. so i destroy myself.

i get to this point where i know all the games and all the rules right? 

i 100% agree with what you wrote and it is the end all. there isnt room for rebuttal. 

"but at this point im like jfc wheres the humanity. feel something. were really going to play adult games? i know how this ends if i 'take all the right turns' but cant i just be real here and now" 

thus the emotional performance at 35 into just not even tryin to date at all. why go thru the same song n dance

bruh only therapists know that shit from studying psychology and spending weeks listening to your ass talk about literally everything

the speed run is u aren’t respecting boundaries if ur tryna message her still— it’s like wishful thinking in the moment. idk when it happened for u but i’ve not dated anyone seriously since christmas 2022

no contact rule is probably her goal even if it hurts u to implement 

love comes and goes