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tiny
@tinyrainboot
i wanted to say thank you to everyone who chimed in; i didn’t expect this many responses. recently a friend sent me the book “existential kink,” so i tried to approach this situation from that angle. essentially, the author reworks some of jung and freud’s theories on our unconscious desires and mushes it together with the idea that the Self is here to experience all aspects of life, both the pleasurable and lovely and the horrific and painful. and that our actions shape the kinds of experiences we have. she says that to bring these shadows to life (those ugly patterns that we claim to hate) we must give them space first. we should be open to the idea that we get some twisted satisfaction out of situations of our own suffering. only by giving them light and accepting those parts of ourselves, can we take life more lightly and begin to let go of toxic shame. continued …
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tiny
@tinyrainboot
so maybe on some level i love how being triggered by this thing feels. and i keep letting it happen because it lets me experience those feelings. maybe because feelings of anxiety have always been with me, they somehow feel safe, like i know how to navigate them. or perhaps i love a chance to express the anger that bubbles within me, if it gives me an excuse. if i can examine those societally unacceptable feelings and accept myself for them, perhaps i can heal from this pattern and not let it keep getting me
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