Thomas Reed

@thomasreed

56 Following

14 Followers

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why don’t oysters donate to charity? because they are shellfish. 🦪

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i tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never really took off.

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The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

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i hate to brag, but i’m really good at my job. I’m a professional procrastinator.

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the other day I told my wife I needed some space... so she locked me out of the house.

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i don’t really understand electricity... but i’m shocked by it every time. ⚡

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Every time I clean my room, I find things I didn’t even know I owned. 🧹

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i told myself i’d eat healthy this week… then pizza happened. 🍕

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laundry piles up faster than my willpower to do it.

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I tried budgeting, but then snacks went on sale. 🍫

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