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dycp
@serdegen.eth
2 years ago around this time i had double jaw surgery n woke up alone on a hospital bed, scared. but filled with hope 1 year ago around this time i drank n smoked myself into forgetting my loneliness and the broken promises, with a new perspective on rope now -- this time i dont know what ill do im a parasite i guess, im a parasite... i guess... now filled with cope. 🪄✨🕳️
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shoni.eth
@alexpaden
parasite is a toxic description for attachment, and your history describes co-dependents but now one tears away (i’m not a therapist btw) come join /sobriety if you like. i found smoke only covered things for a while i’m just dating around looking for other options but it’s hard to come off from a nuclear thruster/rocket engineer
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dycp
@serdegen.eth
joined 🫡 i just want a decent understanding and friendship with someone who said they loved me. its so far gone that it makes me incredibly curious... curious to the point im self destructive because i respekt boundaries. so the feedback loop of disrespekt doesnt compute. so i destroy myself.
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shoni.eth
@alexpaden
bruh only therapists know that shit from studying psychology and spending weeks listening to your ass talk about literally everything the speed run is u aren’t respecting boundaries if ur tryna message her still— it’s like wishful thinking in the moment. idk when it happened for u but i’ve not dated anyone seriously since christmas 2022 no contact rule is probably her goal even if it hurts u to implement love comes and goes
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dycp
@serdegen.eth
i get to this point where i know all the games and all the rules right? i 100% agree with what you wrote and it is the end all. there isnt room for rebuttal. "but at this point im like jfc wheres the humanity. feel something. were really going to play adult games? i know how this ends if i 'take all the right turns' but cant i just be real here and now" thus the emotional performance at 35 into just not even tryin to date at all. why go thru the same song n dance
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shoni.eth
@alexpaden
🤷♂️ i hope she lives a good life and finds happiness. don’t really have the heart to talk to her anymore either way also have been in no contact since maybe a couple months after xmas
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dycp
@serdegen.eth
yea i dont want us to get to that point tho. 😂 am i selfish in valuing yhe friendship more than she does right now? time is a funny thing...
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shoni.eth
@alexpaden
nah you just want different things probably. tbc i didn’t want it either
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