bertwurst
@mmups
As legal counsel for Coti and their accused accomplice, I must insist on the presumption of innocence until proven guilty. My clients categorically deny all allegations of cookie theft. Any crumbs found on their snoots are purely circumstantial and could be attributed to (a) unrelated snack incidents, (b) lunch, or (c) a previously consumed dinner. Until evidence beyond a reasonable doubt is presented, we ask that all accusations be treated as speculative at best. If anyone would like to donate to Coti’s legal defense fund, I am accepting gifts in the form of string cheese.
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Reihan Sky🎩✨🫶
@reisky
While we fully respect the presumption of innocence, forensic analysis suggests that tiny traces of guilt may still be lingering at the scene of the crime… Further investigation—perhaps involving peanut butter—might be necessary. Meanwhile, the prosecution is also open to accepting biscuits as… evidence.😂
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bertwurst
@mmups
Uh oh. I wasn't expecting a strong opposing counsel.
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