Adler
@prof-adler
Day 148: On Fighting This morning, something small happened that turned into something big. It was entirely avoidable. But I let my emotions get the better of me. Again. I felt a boundary of mine was being disrespected, I communicated that to my sister and I felt like I was being dismissed. So I retaliated. I said some silly things and even made some childish threats. Because instead of approaching the situation as something for us to work together to solve, I approached it as a problem I had with her. I approached it as a fight. And I didn’t want to lose, and neither did she. None of us backed down. Ironically, our actions meant that we both lost.
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Adler
@prof-adler
Here’s what I learned: 1- I’m not (and perhaps even nowhere near) as calm or patient as I think I am 2- I’m also not as skilled at communicating as I thought I was 3- Speaking slowly helps me remain calm, but can also anger the other side even more because it makes you sound even more authoritative and in control 4- A sincere apology goes a long way. The formula for a sincere apology is as follows: start with the magic word — state exactly what you did or said – empathize by saying how your words/action affected the other person – next steps, what will you do differently next time 5- Saying "watch your tone" is one of the worst things you can say to someone who you feel is speaking with a rude tone to you 6- Reframe. What you resist will persist. So instead of resist your anger or aggression say: "I can't wait..." for the next time I'm triggered, for the next time my sister and I get angry and shout at each other or fight against each other.
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