I don't know what I want. Like, at all. It's very disconcerting. Aimless but productive, always grinding away at something. Some task. Some rabbit hole that ultimately goes nowhere. Over and over. Like a fractal of mundane excess, self-similar and sharp, but self consuming and lost. So lost.

Been there. Only thing to pull me out of that hole was love. It is nice to be able to devote oneself to someone else and find focus in that. We're ultimately monkeys meant to reproduce, no matter the abstractions we build to feel clever.