bertwurst
@mmups
FROM THE LAW OFFICES OF BERTWURST & ASSOCIATES First, our client denies all allegations of wrongdoing. Second, we maintain that no credible evidence has been presented linking our client to the so-called "incident." The roots in question were clearly structurally unsound and, as any reasonable observer would conclude, their failure was imminent with or without external influence. Third, preventive detention? On what grounds? We find this punishment highly irregular and will be filing an immediate motion for review. Fourth, and most importantly, we remind all parties that my client is very small and very cute. This fact alone should cast doubt on any nefarious intent. We will not be taking further questions at this time.
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HankMoody
@hankmoody
Dear representative of BERTWURST & ASSOCIATES, Until the tension caused by the accused dissipates, he will remain deprived of his regular freedom. However, he will be provided with food and water and will be able to go to the bathroom frequently accompanied by a guard. This repeated behavior seriously endangers other inhabitants of the home, who have already been threatened with being stripped of their place in it. I am sorry, but the prisoner will not be released until further notice from the sergeant colonel! ๐คฃ๐คฃ
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bertwurst
@mmups
To the esteemed representatives of the prosecution, We acknowledge receipt of your deeply flawed ruling and must strongly object to the continued unjust detention of our client. While we appreciate the assurances of food, water, and supervised bathroom breaks, this so-called preventive measure constitutes an egregious overreach. On what legal precedent does the esteemed Sergeant Colonel justify indefinite detention without trial? Furthermore, we vehemently dispute the characterization of our client as a danger to the household. Has a thorough forensic analysis been conducted on the alleged scene of the incident? Has the defense been granted access to all root-related evidence? We demand disclosure. Until such evidence is provided, we shall be filing an emergency habeas corpus petition for our clientโs immediate release. Sincerely, Bert Bertwurst & Associates
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