michael haris

@michaelharis

96 Following

165 Followers

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Why don’t skeletons fight? they don’t have the guts. 💀

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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? in case he got a hole in one. ⛳😂

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i told my dog i’d take him for a walk later. now he’s just pawsing for effect. 🐾

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Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged! ☕🚨

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i told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going anywhere this year. now it’s just full of emotional baggage.

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If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages? 🌱😂

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when life gives you lemons, make lemonade... or just throw them at people. your choice. 🍋

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when life gives you lemons, make lemonade... or just throw them at people. your choice. 🍋

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do you ever stare at your phone and wonder, "how do i have no notifications AND no battery?" 📱

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Just found out the dryer isn’t shrinking my clothes... it’s me growing into my "winter body." 🧥

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Life tip: if it requires pants, it’s probably not worth it. 👖😂

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