my greatest hurdles to feeling joy all the time might just be shame and guilt. a lot of it comes from abuse, and a lot comes from the maladaptive behaviours that resulted from abuse

i feel like i’ve failed as a person in so many areas because i didn’t know how to function with so much trauma. i didn’t know how to connect with others. i didn’t know how to have my needs met. i didn’t know how to find peace. so i would often go about things in dysfunctional ways, then feel horrible afterwards

it’s challenging to heal, but with emdr i’ve finally found something that deeply works, and am slowly reprogramming my mind

i’ve felt a strong desire to end my life many times. it is my earliest memory. i think now that i actually subconsciously have ended the life of my old, damaged self. i can’t be that person any more. it is intolerable

as i uncover the true self underneath the pain and dysfunction my life will slowly begin again as that person instead

Thanks for sharing your painful, personal journey. Know that there is so much love out here in the universe for you. I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines! 100 $DEGEN

UCLA Professor of Behavioral Neuroscience. Director of UCLA Comparative Cognition Lab. Proof Collective member. Director of Pigeon Art Project. Bankless citizen