Just tried to make a salad and accidentally made a mess instead. Lettuce just say, my kitchen now looks like a crouton tornado hit it. Tried to tell myself I’m on a new diet plan: “The Clean-Up Workout.” Burn calories by scrubbing dressing off the ceiling and chasing runaway cherry tomatoes across the floor. I’m convinced they’ve formed a union and are rolling away in protest of my culinary skills. Next time, I’ll just stick to cereal. At least the milk understands me... until I spill that too. 