Mo.

@heathsmog

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6 Followers

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Sleep hasn’t been kind enough to hold me yet In a long fight I yearn to forget I lay awake, drying eyes My biggest, most fatal vice Are we nothing but better versions of worse people? Are we to grow older, better, but more feeble At morale And yearn worse selves? These delves Are sickening bright I lay awake most nights Yearning a feeling from when I was someone I am no longer But I cannot be someone who was with the wisdom of today Oh what wreck, today Take me away Take me away Bludgeon my head Sodder my eyes Every passing minute I boil my insides Hold me tonight Oh sleep, hold me tonight Before tomorrow.

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Maria Turbida (Turbulent Seas) (From “Vita”) We’re both fucked up equally Searching for the same things To keep us afloat While this boat Is sinking You hold the mast & I row We both reap what we sow But with all this water Nothing grows We’re both fighting And there’s lightning To calm the sea And the camaraderie Of sinking Is holding us afloat And the water From beneath Is holding us close We’re both fucked up equally Searching for the same things underneath The clouds And sheets We both reap what we sow But with all this water Nothing grows At sea

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Solitaire (From “Borderlines”) And only when Was I faced with my best and worst, did I see There was not one whom I felt comfortable Would stand by me Not for fault of them, their own; Even the gentlest of waters can weather stone But till time when comes the day it breaks I must bear lone the weight of mistakes And like the waters that carve the stone People come; to ebb and flow Leave their mark, and so they pass Till all that remains, is stone at last.

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Running blind (From “I’m addicted to sadness (the normal amount)) Everyone is getting ahead From Berkeley to UCLA Everyone is happy with friends While I wonder alone most days This could be the last chance Can’t we let it lie This could be the last chance Do we have to ask why? Everyone’s moving in directions Different from mine Everyone’s turning reflections To call out at night This could be the last chance Can’t we let it lie Trying to find home Running blind

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I used to call you (From “I’m addicted to sadness (the normal amount)) If only there can be another day to dance I thought you hate the stench of the club Yet here you are You’re not the same Except the name I used to call you If only there can be another future Where you stayed up late Not that you don’t anymore Just never with me But now I see You’re up till 2:30 How did you change so soon? Eventually I wish I could turn back into a stranger Watching you do the things you never would Puts me in danger In my room Cause you’re not the same Except the name I used to call you

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Kid (From “R E C A P”) Lament She tells me she doesn’t trust me Out of regret For lost time Fate is a crime Pondering conversations said in sleep This doesn’t run as deep; I’m still the kid that loves “Creep” Staying up to fight his sleep Cause that’s what I did since 17 Still loves Transformers Or the Big Bang Theory The wonders of a boy Buried beneath College and drop outs And I have my bouts That cut deep Like the scars I gave myself When I couldn’t fall asleep That have faded since And that’s okay Half of life is not knowing which way It’ll go But I know It’ll be okay

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Sweet _______ o’ mine (From “R E C A P”) Hey you You’ve grown a lot over the past 2 years You’re all I’ve known as a home; c’mere But you don’t like hugs that much now, do you? Hey you You’re reading books faster that I can buy them You’ve grown so fast since the days back when You asked me “How to jump?” playing Eve There maybe just some rough times And the mistakes you make are just some crimes Of childhood But I love you, more than maybe Growing up can be so scary But I promise you, it’ll be alright Hey, I turned out fine Sweet _______ o’ mine It’ll be alright

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The internet was a mistake (From “R E C A P”) Have you seen what they’re saying on TV? Have you read what they’re screaming to see? Everyone’s having an opinion these days Everyone’s screaming at your face Have you heard what they have to say? They don’t shut up bout it any day Everyone’s out to get someone Save us from them, they say Kanye & Palestine Drugs & Morphine There’s something crazy Every week, every day China & the vaccine Have barely lost their sheen And now there’s a new virus Every week, every day Can you hear them scream? The internet was a mistake

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The Booze (From "And when my tears dry up, I hope the salt stains the snow/Even if they couldn't, let the earth know) A strand of hair, close to two In the shape of an outline, hollow too This... churn, in the void The feelings you can't avoid Despite the booze It's no use I notice the smallest of changes & the elephants of the room What's the use? Life's moved. Stuck in the past Implanted in the present It's easy to advice help But help is too expensive And as a friend would say Was all this pain Really worth becoming a better person? A strand of hair, close to two In the shape of an outline, hollow too This... churn, in the void The feelings you can't avoid Outlives the booze It's no use

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Staying up again

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Insomniac (From “Vices) This night can't hold me I've been awake for the first time since 2020 Why would I want to sleep When I'm face to face with me? For the first time the entire day, I'm free Music & vices Hold me for a while I muse & reflect In hopes I smile Why would I sleep When I can feel what I feel this deep? For the first time since 2020, I can see And it's me.

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Retreat (From “Vices”) I used to be able to speak Now I'm shut and broken I can't tell you why; I don't know myself Things haven't changed Its the same But I'm similar only in name The threads of friends strained Every new pearl I meet is the same The necklace is worn And meant for storage I guess that's the wisdom of age Every conversation repeats itself As I retreat more into my shell Things haven't changed Its the same But I'm similar only in name The cracks In the walls of my shell Are the same as the necklace: Is this hell?

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Smoke (From “Vices”) I've become A figment of my imagination My lungs Heave in smoke for restoration The high Feels like a hug gone by Never to return To be replaced by numb I can't love What I've become When I look at myself I feel like ash: Brittle and confused The days go by like vapour Lost in smoke Brittle and confused

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Lethargy (From “Vices”) I have this lethargy that holds me Anything apart from work has me with no energy But then the rat in my head tells me: "Wake up" It's hard to do much of anything these days Everything's the same as everyone says I keep going back to the same places that give me hurt As I grow into someone else under this shirt And this constant state of looking at a future with no rebate Makes we want to quake with angst & rage But the powerlessness of empitness has me glued to this bed As I'm at war in my own head I have this lethargy that holds me Anything apart from work has me with no energy It's hard to do much of anything these days But then the rat in my head says: "Wake up"

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Video Games (From “Vices”) I want to make music Like "Videotape" But here I am instead Lying in bed My past's moved onto the future And I don't even have a picture While I'm growing back the gut What the fuck And so I play video games But somewhere, In the back of my head I know It's been years & I haven't grown Somewhere In the back of my head I know I might've fucked up going with my flow I want to make music Like "Videotape" But here I am instead Lying in bed Awake And so I play video games

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Alcohol (From “Vices”) Maybe I drink because I subconsciously want to to die It's the most socially acceptable way where people don't ask why I don't drink because I like the high It's just an easy substitute to if I want to cry But have forgotten how to Like they did me My conscious knows better But my heart can't see Why is it, that it still hurts this way? Why is it always the same at the end of each day I fill a void that can't begin to fill To push this boulder back up this hill To give it all up to have a drink Cause it's better sometimes, to not think

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Stars (From “Everything, Always, Forever”) The day is for living The night is for remembering I write pages during the day And mull over them at night I run from post to post when the sun shines And stop and court the stars at night I look to them, for all I might; Has there been more a comforting sight? Though they look the same as yesterday I wonder what difference do they all have to say? The days are as lonely as the nights But there’s comfort in the skies; Giant, alone stars, clustered together in my eyes.

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Hound of Slumber (From “Everything, Always, Forever”) On nights where I sleep The turn of wonder The minds speaks its ill When seduced by slumber Buried beneath the hatchet Dug out The mould and earth speak What you wish you’d naught found out The warmth of skin The touch of hair Who are you really in this bloody affair? Run of day Heart of night There’s no point to fight The hound of slumber

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Reasons to Laugh (From “Everything, Always, Forever”) 178 views I’m unaware of the news Only what I’m told What is this hold? Out at a restaurant Sitting alone “Get out of the house” I was told Deconstructing the evening Till everyone’s ugly Tell me everything That you find funny It’s nearly December And I’m trying not to remember What was told I drink myself to death Cause you really cant forget Mistakes on a night this cold I need reason to laugh I need reason to laugh I need something more But mores never enough So I scroll Out at a restaurant Sitting alone

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