Mo.

@heathsmog

9 Following

6 Followers

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Sleep hasn’t been kind enough to hold me yet In a long fight I yearn to forget I lay awake, drying eyes My biggest, most fatal vice Are we nothing but better versions of worse people? Are we to grow older, better, but more feeble At morale And yearn worse selves? These delves Are sickening bright I lay awake most nights Yearning a feeling from when I was someone I am no longer But I cannot be someone who was with the wisdom of today Oh what wreck, today Take me away Take me away Bludgeon my head Sodder my eyes Every passing minute I boil my insides Hold me tonight Oh sleep, hold me tonight Before tomorrow.

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Maria Turbida (Turbulent Seas) (From “Vita”) We’re both fucked up equally Searching for the same things To keep us afloat While this boat Is sinking You hold the mast & I row We both reap what we sow But with all this water Nothing grows We’re both fighting And there’s lightning To calm the sea And the camaraderie Of sinking Is holding us afloat And the water From beneath Is holding us close We’re both fucked up equally Searching for the same things underneath The clouds And sheets We both reap what we sow But with all this water Nothing grows At sea

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Solitaire (From “Borderlines”) And only when Was I faced with my best and worst, did I see There was not one whom I felt comfortable Would stand by me Not for fault of them, their own; Even the gentlest of waters can weather stone But till time when comes the day it breaks I must bear lone the weight of mistakes And like the waters that carve the stone People come; to ebb and flow Leave their mark, and so they pass Till all that remains, is stone at last.

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Running blind (From “I’m addicted to sadness (the normal amount)) Everyone is getting ahead From Berkeley to UCLA Everyone is happy with friends While I wonder alone most days This could be the last chance Can’t we let it lie This could be the last chance Do we have to ask why? Everyone’s moving in directions Different from mine Everyone’s turning reflections To call out at night This could be the last chance Can’t we let it lie Trying to find home Running blind

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I used to call you (From “I’m addicted to sadness (the normal amount)) If only there can be another day to dance I thought you hate the stench of the club Yet here you are You’re not the same Except the name I used to call you If only there can be another future Where you stayed up late Not that you don’t anymore Just never with me But now I see You’re up till 2:30 How did you change so soon? Eventually I wish I could turn back into a stranger Watching you do the things you never would Puts me in danger In my room Cause you’re not the same Except the name I used to call you

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Kid (From “R E C A P”) Lament She tells me she doesn’t trust me Out of regret For lost time Fate is a crime Pondering conversations said in sleep This doesn’t run as deep; I’m still the kid that loves “Creep” Staying up to fight his sleep Cause that’s what I did since 17 Still loves Transformers Or the Big Bang Theory The wonders of a boy Buried beneath College and drop outs And I have my bouts That cut deep Like the scars I gave myself When I couldn’t fall asleep That have faded since And that’s okay Half of life is not knowing which way It’ll go But I know It’ll be okay

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Sweet _______ o’ mine (From “R E C A P”) Hey you You’ve grown a lot over the past 2 years You’re all I’ve known as a home; c’mere But you don’t like hugs that much now, do you? Hey you You’re reading books faster that I can buy them You’ve grown so fast since the days back when You asked me “How to jump?” playing Eve There maybe just some rough times And the mistakes you make are just some crimes Of childhood But I love you, more than maybe Growing up can be so scary But I promise you, it’ll be alright Hey, I turned out fine Sweet _______ o’ mine It’ll be alright

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There is no wrong on the web You’re not illogical; you’re avenged Raise your voice; There’s only a couple of them Fuck everyone else Don’t you dare speak like them Go back home, you scoundrels We got our idiots at the helm Elections & Submarines Bills & Committees There’s something crazy Every week, every day All our mothers & their teens Take their news from in between WhatsApp forwards & twitter feeds Every week, every day Can you hear them scream? The internet was a mistake

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The internet was a mistake (From “R E C A P”) Have you seen what they’re saying on TV? Have you read what they’re screaming to see? Everyone’s having an opinion these days Everyone’s screaming at your face Have you heard what they have to say? They don’t shut up bout it any day Everyone’s out to get someone Save us from them, they say Kanye & Palestine Drugs & Morphine There’s something crazy Every week, every day China & the vaccine Have barely lost their sheen And now there’s a new virus Every week, every day Can you hear them scream? The internet was a mistake

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The Booze (From "And when my tears dry up, I hope the salt stains the snow/Even if they couldn't, let the earth know) A strand of hair, close to two In the shape of an outline, hollow too This... churn, in the void The feelings you can't avoid Despite the booze It's no use I notice the smallest of changes & the elephants of the room What's the use? Life's moved. Stuck in the past Implanted in the present It's easy to advice help But help is too expensive And as a friend would say Was all this pain Really worth becoming a better person? A strand of hair, close to two In the shape of an outline, hollow too This... churn, in the void The feelings you can't avoid Outlives the booze It's no use

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He still visits the house sometimes In between turns, trying to find The warmth that’d lull him to sleep But the cuts run too deep This no longer was home But where else would he go? He didn’t know As he sat on the couch Alone There was no Sai Only Kamal & I

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And so the weeks turned to months Sentences to words The good mornings turned to obligation As the world found its way to take root “How can you say that?!” “Fuck you” “Are you coming over soon?” “No, I have to clear my dues” They visited the house less & less In their imagination The table for coffee now held dust The taps began to rust As their world fell apart Till one day, it had to die; This was the end of Kamal & Sai.

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And so they lived there Not in person, but when stuck in traffic Or brushing hairs A home away from home in their minds One where the world was a little more kind; This was Kamal & Sai And so the weeks turned away It was fine, but it wasn’t the same everyday She got busy often, and so did he Dates turned to weeks of nonchalant meals They say that time heals But it didn’t know what was wrong This was love, was it not? “I need some time alone” “But we barely talk these days…” Even for the best, the excitement runs dry Even if they were Kamal & Sai

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1st of September That’s how he remembers The date they met How could he forget? Her eyes Twinkle until they dry This is the tale of Kamal & Sai A house with a slanted roof A sparse hall with a couch for two & a TV to watch movies curled, instead of the bedroom She tells him she wants two He says “c’mon silly; Why’d I want to sleep away from you?” And so they’d speak In the hours past night Past the hours of the moon’s light About the perfect house How they’d divide the chores On who’s allowed to wash the blouse Or how they’d decorate the doors It’d be perfect, they’d say A home away from home for everyday

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What is the meaning of it all? Are we meant to be something more Than products for corporations Who already have it all? What is up with climate change? Haven’t heard from her in a while; I remember it being a bigger deal Back when we were juvenile Is this growing old? Are we really in control? Having freedom & independence Feels an awful lot more cold; What if all I dream ever Will always feel like wet toast? Are EVs really any better When energy comes from coal? Do I have to throw my favourite sweatshirt Just because it has a hole? I don’t wanna think about this at all So I pull out my phone And scroll I don’t wanna think about this sober, alone But alcohol is expensive So I pull out my phone And scroll

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I’ve been staying up again I tell myself I’ll sleep but then I check my phone All my friends are doing the same Since we all moved from home They told us this would be better But better isn’t the same anymore Scrolling through the internet Reminiscing days of old The lockdown doesn’t seem so bad When meaninglessness wasn’t so forced

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I’ve been staying up again I tell myself I’ll sleep but then I check my phone Scrolling through cats & brainrot Sad reels & Logan Paul I told myself I’d sleep at 10 But here we are once more Spamming stories for entropy It’s the only part where I have control Everything’s so different And I feel my face grow old

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Staying up again

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Insomniac (From “Vices) This night can't hold me I've been awake for the first time since 2020 Why would I want to sleep When I'm face to face with me? For the first time the entire day, I'm free Music & vices Hold me for a while I muse & reflect In hopes I smile Why would I sleep When I can feel what I feel this deep? For the first time since 2020, I can see And it's me.

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