bertwurst
@mmups
As legal counsel for Coti and their accused accomplice, I must insist on the presumption of innocence until proven guilty. My clients categorically deny all allegations of cookie theft. Any crumbs found on their snoots are purely circumstantial and could be attributed to (a) unrelated snack incidents, (b) lunch, or (c) a previously consumed dinner. Until evidence beyond a reasonable doubt is presented, we ask that all accusations be treated as speculative at best. If anyone would like to donate to Coti’s legal defense fund, I am accepting gifts in the form of string cheese.
6 replies
5 recasts
22 reactions
HankMoody
@hankmoody
Lol 🤣🤣! It's okay Bert. I don't want any legal problems. Everyone involved will be bribed, oops, I mean rewarded, with cheese strips for "the misunderstanding"!
1 reply
0 recast
0 reaction
bertwurst
@mmups
I appreciate your prompt and generous resolution to this matter. Cheese strips are indeed an appropriate form of restitution for my clients, and I’m confident this will help clear up any lingering misunderstandings. However, as legal counsel, I must formally submit a request for coverage of my legal fees, also payable in cheese strips, per the standard retainer agreement. I trust we can settle this amicably without further pawsuit.
0 reply
0 recast
1 reaction