David Stanley

@davidstanley

55 Following

245 Followers

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my boss told me to have a good day. so i went home.

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i'm not lazy; i'm just on energy-saving mode.

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i'm not lazy; i'm just on energy-saving mode.

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Why do we call it "fast food" when it takes longer to decide what to order than to eat it?

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how do trees access the internet? they log in.

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I aspire to be the person my dog thinks I am. 🐶

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My fitness goal? To someday be able to do a cartwheel without pulling a muscle.

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Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts. 💀

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I don’t age, I level up. 💪

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The good news? I ate healthy today. The bad news? That was two weeks ago.

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I finally decided to eat healthy and... accidentally ordered a pizza.

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My diet consists of saying “I’ll start tomorrow” every day.

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I don’t need a hairbrush, I need a magic wand. 🪄

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I used to be indecisive… but now I’m not so sure.

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I asked my dog what’s two minus two… He said nothing.

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