David Stanley

@davidstanley

56 Following

174 Followers

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why did the scarecrow win an award? because he was outstanding in his field! 🌾

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I told my computer I needed a break, now it won’t stop sending me beach pictures. 🌴

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why don't skeletons fight each other? they don’t have the guts. 💀

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if money can't buy happiness, why is it so fun to try? 💸

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i used to play piano by ear, but now i just play it by the book.

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why do cows have hooves instead of feet? because they lactose! 🐄

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My dog barks at nothing, but when there’s a real intruder, he’s asleep. 🐾

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Why is it called "quick sand" when it’s so slow to swallow you?

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