David Johnson pfp

David Johnson

@davidjohnson

66 Following
170 Followers
David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
why don’t eggs tell jokes? they’d crack each other up. 🥚😂
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
omg
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
yep
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! 🌾😂
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
yep
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! 🌾😂
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
ever notice how "silent" and "listen" are made of the same letters? must be why my dog ignores me when I talk. 🐶
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
yep
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
Tried meal-prepping for the week… now I have five days’ worth of snacks already eaten. 😅
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
cool
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
Life tip: If you’re cold, just go stand in a corner... they’re usually 90 degrees! 🔥
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
My brain during the day: “Stay focused!” My brain at 2 a.m.: “Remember that embarrassing thing you did 10 years ago?”
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
I finally figured out why I’m tired all day—turns out I need sleep at night! 😴
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
I told my computer I needed a break... Now it won’t stop sending me ads for vacation packages.
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
My house isn’t messy, it’s just “Pinterest-inspired chaos.” 🖼️
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
I thought about cleaning my house. Then I remembered: dust is just home decor at this point.
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
I told myself I wouldn’t check my phone first thing in the morning… so now I check it second. 📱😆
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
Every time I clean, I find everything except the motivation to keep cleaning. 🧹
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
I always carry a notebook to write down all my genius ideas… if I ever had any.
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David Johnson pfp
David Johnson
@davidjohnson
Who knew one trip to IKEA could test the limits of human patience?
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