David Johnson

@davidjohnson

66 Following

123 Followers

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I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life. 😅

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I told my computer I needed a break... now it won’t stop sending me coffee ads. ☕

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I told my computer I needed a break... now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads! 😅

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i tried starting a diet today, but pizza said, "not so fast." 🍕

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i told myself i’d only hit snooze once… three snoozes later, here we are. ⏰

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i told myself i’d sleep early tonight… then the internet said, "how about one more hour?" 🌐

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the hardest decision of my day: what to eat for dinner. second hardest: whether to cook it. 🍕

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i set my alarm for "early," but apparently, my bed said, "not today." 🛌

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why don’t skeletons ever go to the gym? they don’t have the guts. 💀

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why don’t skeletons go bungee jumping? they don’t have the guts. 💀

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