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Steve
@sdv.eth
Anyone who’s dealt with ADHD long enough: has it ever gotten easier? I feel like since becoming aware of the symptoms the struggle has only worsened, despite always considering myself decently self-aware. I don’t know if it’s just the compounding responsibilities of work, marriage, parenthood, and adulthood. Or if it’s some weird permanent brain fog from covid. Or a tangible side effect of being plugged into crypto almost 24/7 for three years. Or just a dwindling sense of agency and direction and control of emotions. But it’s been six years now that I’ve seen three therapists, one psychiatrist with a brief round of antidepressants, and tried numerous tools and tricks yet it all feels like it’s falling apart. Where did I go wrong?
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Caden
@cbxm
🫂🫂🫂 ADHD is hard. before diagnosis, it was very easy to view my struggles as moral/personal failings. in some ways, that was easier because I could frame improvement as something that is and would always be possible. after diagnosis, patterns started to feel permanent. i felt irreparably broken, not just temporarily lazy. I had to find peace about who I was and what my experience of life would be like. and then I was able to accept my limitations and work with them, instead of denying my reality. medication helped too. a lot. you can do plenty of things to manage dopamine (sleep, exercise, hard boundaries on certain activities) but ADHD is hard mode. stimulants didn't solve my problems (many of my bad habits are a side effect of long-running coping mechanisms) but they gave me some wiggle room. one bad day doesn't derail me anymore. self-compassion was key. letting go was key. without them, awareness was a curse and a burden. so: don't give up. give yourself love. you will make it. I promise.
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Caden
@cbxm
I also want to say: it's easy to let ADHD define you. once the pattern recognition starts, it's sometimes difficult to stop ascribing those patterns to the same root cause. I found this to be disempowering, even in the midst of discovering more and more tools that were effective. allow yourself to be human and have flaws. ADHD is not a death sentence, it's just a condition. let it be a part of your life. there are advantages (without it, you wouldn't be you! 🥳) and disadvantages (without it, you uh... wouldn't be you 🫤) but it's important recognize and nurture the other parts of you too. learn to see these parts of you as existing alongside each other, rather than seeing ADHD as something that captures your entire experience. simply allow it be. embrace it with gratitude, especially if that is hard. don't allow it to dominate your life. say "this is a part of my experience and that's okay" and set kind expectations for yourself.
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Caden
@cbxm
my heart breaks for you. I'm tearing up right now thinking about how hard my own life has been. how it could've been different. having a community with decades of life advice (like /adhd) probably would've helped me a lot (especially with the depression), so keep talking about it! you're not alone! I never (and likely won't ever) beat my ADHD. but accepting it, finding community, and allowing myself to just BE, are what has made the most difference.
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Caden
@cbxm
I want to acknowledge that my life is... not that stressful. parenthood, marriage — these things increase the stakes. they turn up the pressure. they make it difficult to experiment with your needs, routines, and habits. often, the world's demands make it feel like the walls are closing in. that's real. it's absolutely real. and even for my low-stakes life, it was often *terrifying.* a supportive partner is key. communicate with them. be proactive about communicating with the people that depend on you. don't sugarcoat it. be brave and tell people what is happening within you, and that you might need their grace and maybe even assistance. be strong, but don't confuse that for shouldering this on your own.
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Caden
@cbxm
gawd, I have so many more things to say but the most important thing I'm trying to say is: be kind to yourself. it won't solve your problems, but they're more manageable when we can allow them to actually BE our problems, and not reject them or identify with them too strongly.
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Steve
@sdv.eth
I think if I were even half as compassionate to myself as your response to me was I’d be in a different place. I appreciate the thoroughness as it’s a very multi dimensional, human way to frame the entire experience. I’m very much willing to be kind to myself as a first step. I don’t want it to just be a label that confines me. I want to grow with and around it to better understand the fuller picture of myself.
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