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Bravo Johnson
@bravojohnson
My review of “The Man Who Created the Middle East” by Christopher Simon Sykes, Somewhere in a smoky corner of The Green Dragon Inn, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin found themselves with the unenviable task of dividing up Mordor. Gandalf had vanished in a puff of “wizardry business,” leaving a note saying: “Take care of this, will you? Back in a fortnight. Don’t forget the furnaces.” “Well, Mordor’s a right mess,” said Frodo, staring at the ash-streaked map. “Who’d want it anyway?” “Humans might like it,” Sam offered. “Big, gloomy sorts, aren’t they? They’ll think it’s dramatic.” “Humans?!” scoffed Merry, snatching the quill. “Mordor’s perfect for Dwarves. All those mines, all that lava. They love that sort of thing!” “Hang on,” interrupted Pippin, dipping a sausage into gravy. “We Hobbits deserve a slice too! Imagine all the mushrooms we could grow in the ash!” “Oh, for the love of lembas, let’s just split it up and be done!” Frodo sighed.
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Bravo Johnson
@bravojohnson
The Black Gate to the humans. “They’ll appreciate the drama,” Frodo said, drawing a shaky line. “It screams tragic backstory.” “What about the furnaces?” asked Sam. “Wizarding nonsense. Leave them out,” Frodo replied. “Mount Doom to the Dwarves—they’ll love it,” Merry declared. “Molten lava—perfect for forges!” “What about the Eye of Sauron?” Sam asked nervously. “Bit of Windex,” Merry said confidently. “The Plains of Gorgoroth? For us!” Pippin scribbled furiously. “Rich volcanic soil—we’ll farm!” “And the roaming orcs?” Frodo asked. “Scarecrows!” Pippin grinned. “The Tower of Barad-dûr… Oh, Elves will love it!” Merry exclaimed. “Tall and moody—just like them!” “But it’s full of wizard traps,” Sam pointed out. “Good! Keep them humble,” Frodo muttered. “The Furnaces to Nobody. “Let’s leave the cursed machinery unallocated,” Frodo said. “Gandalf can deal with it—or not. I don’t care.”
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July
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Sykes-Picot!
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