My review of “The Man Who Created the Middle East” by Christopher Simon Sykes,

Somewhere in a smoky corner of The Green Dragon Inn, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin found themselves with the unenviable task of dividing up Mordor. Gandalf had vanished in a puff of “wizardry business,” leaving a note saying: “Take care of this, will you? Back in a fortnight. Don’t forget the furnaces.”

“Well, Mordor’s a right mess,” said Frodo, staring at the ash-streaked map. “Who’d want it anyway?”

“Humans might like it,” Sam offered. “Big, gloomy sorts, aren’t they? They’ll think it’s dramatic.”

“Humans?!” scoffed Merry, snatching the quill. “Mordor’s perfect for Dwarves. All those mines, all that lava. They love that sort of thing!”

“Hang on,” interrupted Pippin, dipping a sausage into gravy. “We Hobbits deserve a slice too! Imagine all the mushrooms we could grow in the ash!”

“Oh, for the love of lembas, let’s just split it up and be done!” Frodo sighed.

Just want to say that I’m a proud supporter of minorities in the Dark Arts. Whether it’s Orcs, Goblins, Nazgûl, or Balrogs, everyone deserves equal rights, fair treatment, and a seat at the table. No more “monsters”—just misunderstood creatures looking for a fair shot. #LORDS #EqualityInMordor, #LeagueofOppressedandRepressedDarkStereotypes