Uncle ↑
@uncle
Need moar feedback! Giving 2000 $HIGHER to the first 5 people to comment below with ANY feedback on the prologue - it's only 2 pages, should be the easiest money of your life https://paragraph.com/@uncle/dude-wheres-my-seed-phrase-prologue?referrer=0xf8875523cbd4226369cc7022f208f2609adc1d0e
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bradq
@bradq
So, I don't know you or how much you write or what this is, so bear that in mind. I write a lot and like to read and evaluate like this. I always look for phrases or sentences that hit right and stand out in terms of flow and clarity. Here 3 I noted: He’d learned not to ask questions after midnight. To a man like Mr. F, debt was better than money. Then – life. The cursor blinked. Data flooded in like a torrent. My two big notes: 1. You seem to do a lot of description, some of which may be important, some of which is almost certainly not. Lots of adjectives which is often taboo for writing unless you have a very clear reason and can make it work. It feels like you are working real hard to put us in the scene, which is great and admirable, but I think the descriptions and adjectives are actually working against it. 2. And this relates to #1. It doesn't flow real well. It's choppy. I can't get the rhythm of the story and the action. I think some sentences need to be more striaghtfoward and obvious.
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bradq
@bradq
no interest in being discourgaging just trying to be honest and helpful. Let me know if you have questions or need more clarification. 👊
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bradq
@bradq
@uncle just want to make sure you saw this follow up too ⬆️
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Uncle ↑
@uncle
No that's great, I hate adjectives too, so now I'm going back to count how many I used 😅
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