Brad Barrish on Warpcast

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This video is about a guy who has 192 days to live. It's also about County Donegal, but the part that really shines for me, is the part where he says: "I spent years training soldiers how to react when they come under fire. Nobody knows until it happens, will the guy go to ground, freeze, runaway, fireback - you just don't know. So it's the same when you've told you've only got so long to live. For me, to be told I've got approximately 3 years to live - what a privilege! An opportunity to get my life in order. For the inevitable. So whatever it is, is our role in this play (this life), play it beautifully, fully, lovingly, enjoy the craic - because it's for fun, it's designed for fun." https://youtu.be/jgtiMirLIQc?si=W1XdZDiUQ_3Mmg3J&t=637

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I haven’t finished the video yet, but the first few minutes and that quote struck a chord with me. The first time I came close to death, I did see it as a privilege—just like the man in the video said. It felt like a rare opportunity to get my life in order, to live with purpose. But as time has passed and I’ve survived again and again, it’s gotten harder to keep that perspective. Each time I realize I didn’t die, it gets harder to hold onto that sense of privilege. Sure, it’s great to know how resilient I am, but it really sucks that I’ve had to be resilient so many fucking times. There’s a bittersweetness in it all—knowing what I’ve been through, standing on the edge of a precipice, aware of what’s ahead while others around me are blissfully unaware. It’s a lonely place to be sometimes.

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I try to stay balanced, to find joy in the moments I have, and I’m grateful that I’m happier now than I’ve ever been. But even with that happiness, it’s hard not to feel the weight of everything I’ve carried—and continue to carry. Thanks for sharing these sorts of posts, I always read and respond in my head but am trying to make a habit of being an internet person and respond online

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Thanks you for sharing.

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