Baby

@baby666

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108 Followers

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Out-of-state friends of ours recently inherited several pieces of real estate which, unfortunately, are producing more taxes than income. When my wife invited thenn for a visit，back carne the response:"You know we'd love it. But right now we're just too property-stricken to go anywhere."

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What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

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Teacher: which hand you used to write with? Student: neither, I always use a pencil to write!

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Son: Dad, give me a dime. 　　Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? 　　Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

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Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

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The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

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Can I buy you a drink? Actually I'd rather have the money. Can I have your name? Why? Don't you already have one? I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

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Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. Well, bring me the winner then.

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There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, “Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!” 　　Herman says，“I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!”

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What do you call a deer with no eye? No eye deer (No idea).

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When a woman says “WHAT?”, it’s not because she didn't hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said.

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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Sansa: You look very handsome, my lord. Tyrion: Oh yes, the husband of your dreams.

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When the stars are out hey are visible, but when the lights are out,they are invisible。

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Why is the doctor so angry? Because he has no patience.

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A man in a plane got up all off sudden and shouted :"HIJACK". The other passengers got scared and put their hands up. Then from the other end another man shouted :"Hi John"

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Sometimes you just need some space...to fart.

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Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot. Because you can catch a cold.

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What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!

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When I was a child, I liked to play hide and seek, and when others hid, I would go home to eat

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