Janna
@janna
I don’t think introversion is a permanent, irreversible trait. It’s the result of feeling you need to wear a mask in public in a way that is incongruent with who you feel yourself to be. The strain of maintaining that mask is what tires you out and prompts the need to “recharge”. If you can take the mask off in a way that integrates who you are, you feel far less exhausted by interaction — in fact, it can be energising bc it allows you to connect with people in ways you may have always wanted.
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Jimmy
@zkp
most introverted people ive met tend to open up in environments that are comfortable to them. they just dont care to engage with people or events that they find uninteresting. some people are more social than others, but most people crave connection - we are social beings. i think youre right about the mask concept. ie someone who reads a lot could prefer to be alone, but if you ask them about their favorite books, they might open up and even take interest in you. the conversation flows and theres less urgency to recharge.
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Janna
@janna
Totally agree, people crave connection! And I think more people who consider themselves introverted could actively become comfortable in more environments than they realise I used to think of situations as more comfortable/safe/interesting vs less comfortable/safe/interesting, but that really limited what I felt suited me and where I could find connection. And I have since discovered that I can actually actively take the mask off anywhere and, consequently, increase the number of environments I feel comfortable in. And it’s also made me find more things interesting. It’s a far more active way of living and connecting: it’s you WITH the world, not against it Bc of that, I don’t think the introvert/extrovert distinction is a fixed, permanent categorisation. I think we can move between them at will
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Jimmy
@zkp
its interesting that you felt you could just take the mask off. was it a sudden realization or more gradual? for me, it took a while to build up my people skills and feel confident in any conversation. then i started to really enjoy small talk, even if i don’t particularly feel like engaging with someone.
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Janna
@janna
It was gradual in that I started questioning why I was so introverted, and did I have to remain this way? Then it was sudden when I went somewhere I'd never been and deliberately took the opposite approach: instead of overthinking, I started mostly just saying what I was thinking. It worked surprisingly well, and I began changing my style of talking. Rather than only asking questions, which was my ‘formula’ for keeping conversation going (but backfired when people gave v short answers), I started telling stories That shifted things away from feeling like small talk or even feeling like an effortful engagement, and made it feel like sitting around a campfire. And either people responded better or I wasn't analysing so much. Whatever came to mind became better, like honing an intuition. Being around people was less effort, and I felt more at ease and like I didn’t have to force so much How did you start with building up people skills and confidence in conversation?
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Jimmy
@zkp
that is really interesting because it seems like you had innate people skills that were dormant, but maybe im oversimplifying your self questioning process. i had a similar experience. i would ask a lot of dead end questions, because i felt i didnt know the right thing to say. luckily i began working in a restaurant and the repetition of speaking with customers helped me learn how to naturally flow in conversation. i became a lot more interested in people and felt more comfortable connecting shared experiences. that added so much depth to conversation. the anxiety i felt changed to a genuine excitement to learn about people.
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Janna
@janna
I love that; I had a similar shift in wanting to know more about people and feeling the excitement rather than anxiety! Felt like a shift from looking inwards and being concerned about myself to looking outwards and being interested in others / the world. I wonder if that's something that people who seem more socially inclined might do naturally, and maybe that's part of the key to unlocking people skills — it's possible for everyone to do it and get there
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