emotional

here i lay down,
in agonizing pain,
struggling to string words together,
reflecting on what i could have done better today.

my disdain for mediocrity is not enough
to make me want to be better —
i even embrace it.

i search for disconnects and inconsistencies in others,
but i am too scared to look within,
fearing what i may discover:
that i am no one,
that i will leave no impact on this world.

i choose to remain in the shadow of my true self,
comforting my inferior self
for fear of being seen.

i despise others for doing
what i could never bring myself to do.

nothing is ever good enough.
nothing is bad enough.
i have no opinion.

at the same time,
i am opinionated but choose to remain silent —
for i don’t matter.

mediocre acrobatic, lazy, talented wannabe 
artist¿ artisan?