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ted (not lasso)
@ted
i don't want to write today. maybe on a different day or in a different place or at a different moment, i would force it. i would choose a topic and write 3000 characters and read it once over before clicking publish and keeping everything else to myself. but not today. because today i feel nothing, which admittedly is weird for someone who usually feels everything. i sit on my balcony as the sun sets, curled up in a blanket with my laptop and the autumn air kissing my cheeks. "i'm so lucky to call this place home," i think, but there is a vacant, vacuous space in place of the warm gratitude that burns and bursts through me during most other moments like this. i look at my blank screen. empty. i look back at the sun, listening to the chitter chatter from the crowds on the boardwalk and the steady hum of traffic on pacific. whether on foot or in car, whether towards the water or back east, all of those people are moving. and i'm not. suddenly i realize that what i feel isn't nothing. it's stagnant.
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KP (d/acc)
@kpx
Reminds me of Kafka's journel where many days he write 'nothing' or 'I have no thought today to write' or ' I want to write but I don't want to think'. Love these days. Enjoy ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
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ted (not lasso)
@ted
as someone who can’t sit still, hard to enjoy feeling stagnant but i guess there’s some comfort in knowing and accepting the sense of aimlessness and emptiness 🫶
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wizard not parzival
@shoni.eth
maybe try to meditate in extreme conditions then
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ted (not lasso)
@ted
isn’t that what writing is? a form of meditation? :)
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wizard not parzival
@shoni.eth
not to me in the sense that i use or understand the two. There are various approaches to meditation, but mine/most focus on the absence of internal monologue or thought. I try to completely calm my body in cold water or immerse myself in the ambient sounds during calm weather. Cold water can be challenging because your body might react by shivering, which can trigger thoughts. i imagine ambient sound is more difficult for you as well. I’m neurospicy, if that helps.
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wizard not parzival
@shoni.eth
the kafka thing is interesting and i imagine that’s what you’re hinting at, but i don’t relate stream of consciousness to lack of thought personally
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KP (d/acc)
@kpx
Thoughts about 'lack of thoughts' are not lack of thoughts. The same way writing about 'not being able to write' is a form of writing. 😄😄
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