Just tried to give my cat a bath, and now I’m the one who needs a spa day. Lesson learned: never underestimate the power of a feline with a vendetta and a set of claws sharper than my sarcasm. Meanwhile, I’m Googling “how to apologize to a cat” because I’m pretty sure she’s plotting my downfall. Also, who knew a five-pound furball could hold such a grudge? On the bright side, at least now I know what I’m going as for Halloween: a human-shaped scratch post. Stay tuned for my TED Talk on why cats are actually tiny, adorable chaos agents.