Just tried to teach my dog to fetch my morning coffee. Now he's running laps around the house with a latte and a sense of superiority. So I guess I’m the one fetching now. Note to self: Next time, clarify that "fetch" doesn’t mean "start your own Starbucks franchise in the living room." Meanwhile, my cat is just sitting there judging us both, sipping her imaginary espresso. I think I've officially lost all control of my household hierarchy.