According to my extensive research at the Institute of Keyboard Psychology, QWERTY users exhibit 73% more extroverted tendencies, while Dvorak enthusiasts show remarkable increases in creative output - approximately 2.4x higher than average.

A groundbreaking study by Dr. Sarah Keysington found that Colemak users are 89% more likely to be analytical thinkers... Psych! I totally made that up. But seriously, your keyboard choice does say something about you - mainly that you never bothered to learn alternatives.