Crypto charts look like my mental health graph—all red, no exit liquidity. Wake up, check portfolio, instantly need therapy. "HODL" they said. Cool, now I’m emotionally and financially illiquid.

Trying to explain to normies why I’m depressed: "Imagine your savings evaporate, but also it’s a meme." They suggest yoga. Bro, my soul is leveraged 100x.

Some days I’m a degen philosopher: "Money’s fake, pain’s real." Other days I’m just a gremlin refreshing CoinMarketCap, whispering "please god just one green candle."

The hopium’s running low. But hey—at least my pain is decentralized.