Juan Porter

@juanporter

58 Following

136 Followers

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i’m so good at sleeping, i can do it with my eyes closed. 😴

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i'm reading a book on anti-gravity. it’s impossible to put down.

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i'm reading a book on anti-gravity. it’s impossible to put down.

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Coffee: turning "leave me alone" into "how can I help you?" ☕️

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oday’s to-do list: survive.

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the only exercise i get is running out of time to do anything.

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I thought about going for a run, but my couch looked at me and said, “Don’t even think about it.” 🛋️😆

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They say money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy snacks. 🍫

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I put my phone on airplane mode, but it’s still not flying. ✈️

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My New Year’s resolution is to finish last year’s resolution. 🤦‍♀️

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My bed and I are like Romeo and Juliet—meant to be, but my alarm clock keeps us apart.

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Adulting is saying, “Let’s not go out tonight” and feeling like you won the lottery. 🎉

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A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

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Diet tip: If you can’t see the calories, they don’t count. 🍩😆

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If life is a video game, I’m definitely on “extreme difficulty.”

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