basil
@itsbasil
sorry for crashing out (again). 2024 was a terrible year for me & my family & my mental pendulum swung AGGRESSIVELY this time around. price was maybe 10% of it so chill with that. regardless, now i’m being forced into a bunch of therapy & other bullshit but i will not take the pills (not again). please don’t look at me differently. i’ve been fighting self hate my entire life. and fret not, i am still plant. that is all. i love you.
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basil
@itsbasil
PS. don’t stigmatize mental health issues on the timeline. some people have no where else to turn & pseudo anon gives them comfort. you never know what the inside of someone else’s head looks like, despite what they may share in public. often the people suffering the most are the “happiest.” luckily i’ve already embarrassed myself immensely on the timeline & therefore wear it on the sleeve. greatly appreciate all the kind words many of you shared. i’m very happy i found y’all. i will take a backseat until i can rebuild my confidence.
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ionspired
@ionspired
hey man ive got officially BD though i had not believed it to exist most of my life — i did not recognize any cycles in myself until someone started talking about it intrusively. and i can mathematically outline these psy disorders are more like the next step in human evolution rather than illness. we are lucky. but you need to realize what you really deal with and learn to manage both polar states. so as i said first of all these self-analysis traps are a bit “virtual” you know. the more spare time, i.e. the more energy without clear direction you have the more it chaotically seeks its proper place. this is where the self-hate comes in. to find and always hold the direction I would offer you to memorize this simple model of how any human thinking process works. evolution made our brains optimal for thinking about other humans. so we have these 100-120+ blank sockets for human images (how we imagine each person) to permanently keep “unarchived” in the heads — supposedly our max capacity, maybe 140
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ionspired
@ionspired
when you talk to a person, you actually talk to one of these images in your head — not to the real person. this mechanism is used for everything we think of. your hobby occupies a single human socket. so when you are busy w projects you dont have capacity to think of ppl. that logic. and the same way we talk to ourselves. you are actually to persons — the image of you rn and the image of you you would like to be. in a dialogue when someone asks your opinion, you rn asks the future you, gets the answer and then you put it out in the dialogue. it happens sometimes something can point out one has no clear future him to hold the inner dialogue and it makes him undecisive and lost.
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ionspired
@ionspired
observe yourself, this approach will help you make diagnosis. don’t count on therapy. never:) it’s the future you who you need to clearly formulate and fairly move towards it step by step. otherwise you will be self hating, as far as you can’t lie to yourself — Bezos btw pointing out this pretty well. the great tool to figure everything out is writing all thoughts and decisions down, rereading and reiterating — that will make the chaos calm down
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basil
@itsbasil
all very real & valid thanks for sharing ❤️
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ionspired
@ionspired
🫀🫀🫀
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basil
@itsbasil
you know how it is. i’m painfully aware of myself. i know where my chaos comes from and i know how to dissolve it. actually doing it on the other hand, is different beast altogether
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