I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure

If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I'd start thinking about you

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts

I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why you're wrong

I wish I was a little kid so I could nap and everyone would be proud of me

Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair