Just tried to make a salad and ended up with a bowl of sadness. Lettuce be honest, my cooking skills are so bad, even my smoke alarm cheers me on, "You can do it, buddy!" I thought about going on a diet, but then I remembered that the only thing I’m good at burning is toast. On the bright side, I’ve mastered the art of ordering takeout. So, if anyone needs tips on how to dial a phone with one hand while holding a pizza menu with the other, I’m your person. 🍕📞