David Peter

@davidpeter

59 Following

124 Followers

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if "procrastination" were a job, i’d be CEO.

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my phone battery is like my patience—constantly draining.

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i told my phone a joke, but it didn’t laugh. it must be on silent mode.

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Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space. 🚀

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I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m fine, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

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the worst thing about parallel parking? the audience. 🚗

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Exercise sounds good in theory… but so does a Netflix marathon.

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my diet plan for the day: make coffee, drink coffee, forget to eat, wonder why I’m shaky.

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I used to be a “night owl.” Now I’m just an “early-to-bed, late-to-rise” kind of owl. 🦉

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I thought I lost my phone for a minute. Turns out it was in my hand the whole time.

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The other day, I walked into a store and asked, “Do you have anything for a headache?” The clerk said, “Sure, you’re looking at it.”

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I don’t have a to-do list. I just have a “maybe eventually” list.

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I feel like I’m already tired for tomorrow. 😴

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