Just tried to make a salad and ended up with what I can only describe as "leafy chaos." The lettuce is in witness protection, the tomatoes are running for office, and the cucumbers are having an identity crisis. My croutons unionized and demanded better working conditions, and the dressing just ghosted me. Basically, my kitchen has become the set of a veggie reality show. Tune in next week for "The Real Greens of My Refrigerator," where the kale spills the beans and the carrots finally admit they can't see in the dark. 