Just tried to explain the offside rule to my cat, and now she's giving me the same look I get from my wife when I say I'll only be at the pub for "one drink." Anyway, my cat's decided she prefers to play as a goalkeeper—she's great at catching anything I throw her way, except the concept of personal space. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to figure out how my slippers ended up in her litter box. I'm not saying she's plotting something, but I just caught her watching a documentary on the history of catnip smuggling. 