therapy
therapy means healing and becoming more yourself. it is not strictly talk therapy or any other form - it is what works for you ✨
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belonging. in my early life, in high school, i was physically immature compared to my classmates. (i grew a foot and a half in 6 months at 17.) i couldn’t quite figure out a perfect friend group, and always aspired to be one of the cool kids. one of the sports kids. one of the kids with a girlfriend. sports weren’t my thing and, because of my physical immaturity and a hint of middle-child syndrome, i found theatre. and i was great at it. and i had a community, a great one, a troupe, but i never wanted that community, the cool kids didn’t like it. the sports kids. they thought it was weird. and so did i. even though i was in it. — belonging / my sense of belonging has been a challenging feeling that i’m working to unpack, still on the journey. understanding if the community is right for *me.* understanding what *my* purpose is within a community. understanding who *i* am in a community — living an examined life is challenging but immensely fulfilling.
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i wanted to say thank you to everyone who chimed in; i didn’t expect this many responses. recently a friend sent me the book “existential kink,” so i tried to approach this situation from that angle. essentially, the author reworks some of jung and freud’s theories on our unconscious desires and mushes it together with the idea that the Self is here to experience all aspects of life, both the pleasurable and lovely and the horrific and painful. and that our actions shape the kinds of experiences we have. she says that to bring these shadows to life (those ugly patterns that we claim to hate) we must give them space first. we should be open to the idea that we get some twisted satisfaction out of situations of our own suffering. only by giving them light and accepting those parts of ourselves, can we take life more lightly and begin to let go of toxic shame. continued …
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In order to process the millions of bits of information were exposed to every day the brain has a system to prioritise and pick out what it deems most important. It filters everything and how we interpret information is shaped by: Past experiences - Our experiences shape our beliefs, which influence how we see the world. Personal biases - Cultural influences, societal norms, and unconscious assumptions shape our beliefs - mostly without us even realising it. Mindset & emotions - Our emotional state impacts how we react to new information. If you're already stressed, you're more likely to interpret a neutral comment as criticism. We’re never really getting an objective view of things. The reticular activating system (RAS), a network in our brainstem, acts as a filter-deciding what gets our attention & what gets ignored, generally we notice more of what aligns with what we already believe (confirmation bias)
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