I don't know what I want. Like, at all. It's very disconcerting. Aimless but productive, always grinding away at something. Some task. Some rabbit hole that ultimately goes nowhere. Over and over. Like a fractal of mundane excess, self-similar and sharp, but self consuming and lost. So lost.

aimless but productive is somewhat relatable. i've been thinking lately that my choices for the past maybe decade seem connected by a coherent narrative to me, but i don't feel it that strongly anymore. it doesn't help either that i keep readjusting major life plans so often