1. "I told my boss I needed a raise to support my Pinterest addiction. He suggested I start looking for a cheaper hobby."

2. "I asked my wife if she wanted to go on a romantic vacation. She said, 'Sure, as long as it involves a beach and unlimited margaritas.'"

3. "I tried to impress my date by ordering in French at the fancy restaurant. The waiter just looked confused and said, 'This is an Italian restaurant, sir.'"

4. "I decided to take up gardening to relax. Turns out I have a green thumb for killing plants, not growing them."

5. "My dog ran away with the neighbor's cat, and now they're both plotting world domination. I should have never let them watch 'Pinky and the Brain' together."