Kat Shaw

@ndspiritualist

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@ndspiritualist

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@ndspiritualist

Working on an oil for Samhain today. I got the initial herb infusion done. Now to add essential oils and go from there. I have some plans for some candles to go along with this, but they need some testing. Lots of things to work towards and I'll be sharing pictures along the way!

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Reading for today

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Getting into spooky season always has this feeling to it for me. The air getting cooler, but it's more then that. Something really does shift in the general vibe as we get closer to October. Really feeling it this year. Anyone else?

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Yesterday I had noted that I find I really like dark carnival music. With that and my longing to be at Crossroads Village this year I've been thinking. Ren Festival... Crossroads at Halloween... the haunts... These are all places that I got to be freely weird. Places where who I am was enjoyed and celebrated rather than seen as annoying... or too much... Funny when I think back to how I wanted to run away to the circus when I was younger. Starting to understand that deep down I knew it would be one of few places I would feel truly accepted and able to just... be.

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Had a friend visit the apothecary today. Always good to get messages like this.

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I'm not sure how many of you have had this same experience... I am so angry right now. Twenty years of hunting... of trying something new with every new doctor and psychiatrist. Through horrible side effects and struggles... Now. Now I have found something that works for me. It feels like so much of my life has gone by. Friends I've lost because of things I could not help in that moment. There is this feeling of mourning for my life. An anger and fury that it took so long. I missed out on so much because of this. It's a kind of hurt I can't really describe well, but I feel it's important to express. That other people like me don't feel alone in this feeling. I know it'll get better, but for right now, this is where I am.

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I know that these places make out hard in order to discourage people from taking advantage, but fuck do they make it really damn hard for those of us with legit problems too! Got a call today from a place saying they need me to reapply for ssi because they need papers from within six months... thing is I applied last year and only JUST started hearing back from them. I have gotten any kind of denial or anything either. Wtf is it with these places?

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This has been the most uncertain my life has been in a long time. I have no idea if I'm moving in a couple weeks... no idea if another person is moving in... no idea about my own finances or future... and for once I'm kind of okay with it. Anxiety is there, for certain, but I'm not freaking out or crippled in ways I have been in the past.

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I love drama so much *sarcasm* Turns out that the person I was trusting to talk to has been twisting things to make people look bad and the one I was super anxious about didn't actually say the things I was being told. This here is why I don't understand people. Wtf

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I hate goat offices so much... this is a special kind of ND hell. Things booping... the sound of crackling wrappers. Children who don't know how to eat really crunchy foods with their mouths closed... I really need to learn to bring my headphones with me everywhere.

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I have been finding that it's a lot easier to explain to people how my brain works in terms of computing. I'm not sure if that's more because it's how I internalize it or that I expect them to understand it better in those terms... either way it seems to work and if it works it isn't stupid.. right?

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This is my gaming set up... cat included 60% of the time.

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I am an animist. This means that I believe that everything has a spirit or energy to it. A vibe if you will. For me this is the reason crystals and herbs and basically everything can have some magical correspondence and use. Now, different people might vibe with a thing differently and that is okay! Someone made all this shit up at some point. I came to this line of thought with molecular structure and that things are vibrating. Whether fast or slow depending on its state.

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ADHD makes it really hard for me to function in day to day society. So... I am on medication to help with my executive function and other such things... Now I'm tired so much of the time and my head feels like I'm not all the way in my body. Not sure how much of it is meds and how much of it is me, but I feel like I've just gone from one functionality problem to another.

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I really believe that people take magic way too seriously. On all sides... The people who don't believe magic is real largely have it in their heads that people are talking about making something out of nothing. Closer to what people describe prayer as... I petition a deity, higher power, whatever for something and I'll get it with no effort. Then the people who do believe in magic have all these rules on what is and isn't allowed or what counts as magic or is a real experience. Are there people out there who are making up stuff or having crazy experiences and then pushing them off as truth? Sure are, but come on... all of this is so personal. Going around telling people they are wrong on everything you don't agree with is just such a waste of time.

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Quartz, bloodstone, and moonstone

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Itap Jiufen Amei Tea House

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